Today I’m going to take a break from talking about my dating life to talk about what Grad school is like.
When I first came in about a month ago, I was absolutely terrified. I came in on the first day with just zero confidence in my abilities and anxiety sweated through my shirt. Literally.
I just kept thinking, why am I here!? I don’t know what I’m doing! I barely know how to make actual scenery. Everyone here already knows how to use Autocad, even some of the undergrads. FUCK. What did I get myself into?
After 2 weeks of that I finally had a deep breath and remembered, I wouldn’t be here if they didn’t think I could do this. I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t bring something to the table. I’m here for a reason; to learn.
I need to keep reminding myself of that, especially in times of self doubt. I feel very fortunate to have an advisor and teacher who has repeatedly said to me, its okay to fail. Be confident! Confidently say the wrong answer! That’s okay! So I’m getting better. And today I probably feel the most confident in myself so far. I’m starting to budget and research my first show as a Technical Director, and I LOVE paperwork and organization. I know I’m good at it and it makes me so happy.
I’m also totally finding my groove here with the friendships I’ve started to make. In fact, I was even invited to my first college party on Saturday. I was definitely the oldest person there, but I’m pretty used to that by now. I’m just calling it, “life experience”.
There was a bonfire and I played flip cup and scream sang “fergilicous”. So a successful party all around. The next morning, one of my big dreams came true. I got to go to the two-story Wegmans in Natick, MA. And let me tell you, it’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a Wegmans.
I went with my two friends, Kimberly (my possible future wife who I talked about in my last post), and our friend Carleigh. They had never been to a Wegmans before, and I have converted them into believers! The first floor was the cafe, florals, produce and meat, the bottom floor was everything else, INCLUDING the best liquor store ever where they had 19 Crimes Uprising for $7.48 a bottle. So I bought 4.
Everywhere you looked was new and beautiful and sparkly and amazing. I was definitely not disappointed. We had lunch in the cafe, it’s just so good. Inside there is a tequila bar and restaurant that I really want to go back to. It looks so nice and like honestly that may be my dream date. Go to the tequila bar for dinner and drinks, and then go shopping in that Wegmans afterwards. THAT’S THE DREAM.
When we got back to my apartment, we had a fun girls night full of snacks, crafting, wine, and Hocus Pocus. WHICH THEY ALSO HAD NEVER SEEN.
I don’t think they liked it. They kept saying that Bette Midler was too scary and I don’t think they liked the musical numbers. WRONG ITS A PERFECT MOVIE. But it’s fine.
But hooray for new friends! I was a little nervous about going to that party on Saturday, meeting new people and putting yourself out there can be hard. But I’m so glad we went and had such a good time. As I keep going on the journey, I need to remember that it’s okay to stop to take a breathe, have courage, and just go forth with the best version of yourself. I can’t ask for more than that.
Today I will leave you with lyrics from a song by The Bad Suns, Defeated. The lyrics may sound sad and defeatist, but I like them and it makes me feel better. “I don’t want to be left alone, uncompleted. No, I don’t want to be all alone and defeated.